...the tempo of a God-breathed life

Life on the Potter’s Wheel

And yet, O Lord, you are our Father.

We are the clay, and you are the potter.

We are all formed by you hand.

Isaiah 64:8

 

January 27, 2013

 

This week I’ve been reminded of the precious fragility of life.  As a part of my role as a hospice chaplain I got to spend a couple of evenings with a family whose mom was getting ready to see the end of her earthly life. What a privileged place to be at such a tender time.  One evening as I was heading home from their house I got a call from one of my cousins that our cousin Judy had been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of lung cancer and was not going to survive it.  She and her husband had just gone down to Arizona where they have spent the winter for years and when she got there she just thought she had a bit of a cold. Saturday morning they had to make the heartrending decision to remove a ventilator and let her go.
 

The next day I got a call about a man I know who had been struck by a car.  I had the opportunity to spend a week with him and his family out in Colorado a couple of summers ago as part of a group who were attending the Covenant Church’s “Feast” celebration prior to our annual meeting.  He has suffered extensive head injuries and the road before them is long and at this point still quite uncertain.
 

Interestingly the last couple of days of the “Jesus Calling” devotional has really resonated in a way much differently than I might have expected in another week.  Yesterday’s entry included, “Through the intimacy of our relationship, you are being transformed from the inside out. As you keep your focus on Me, I form you into the one I desire you to be.  Your part is to yield to My creative work in you, neither resisting it nor trying to speed it up.  Enjoy the tempo of a God-breathed life by letting Me set the pace.  Hold My hand in childlike trust and the way before you will open up step by step. (January 25^th)
 

How often do I try to control the way my life unfolds, far too often without going to God first? And how often is that predicated on the idea that my days are unending here on earth?  This time last year the patient I sat with had no idea that she was sick.  This time last month, my cousin had no idea that she had cancer. This time last week, my friend had no idea that his life would be so dramatically changed just by walking back to his office from lunch.
 

God alone is the one who knows and the wondrous thing is we have a God who loves us profoundly, intimately, perfectly.  Why do I not cling to him daily with great joy and profound confidence just like a child who is completely certain of their relationship with a loving parent?  Certainly there are tears; certainly there are times of frustration, disappointment, heartbreak and uncertainty but a relationship of intimacy with Jesus means that when we suddenly find ourselves in these times which turn our lives upside down we lean into a God who we have experienced personally before.  We have seen God’s hand in small and large events of life and that familiarity fosters trust. So, I am choosing again to lean into Jesus.  I know that there are hard times still ahead, there always are but the truth is that Jesus is always present.  
 

This morning I was reminded of a quote by Theologian Frederick Buechner, “Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen.  Don’t be afraid”

God’s Peace,

Mary

 

...And to all a wobbly New Year

Life on the Potter’s Wheel

And yet, O Lord, you are our Father.

We are the clay, and you are the potter.

We are all formed by you hand.

Isaiah 64:8

January 5, 2013

 

So, it's the first Sunday of the new year.  Entering into a new year is something that’s always been a little, um…awkward…for me. There have been so many years where I’ve found myself almost grieving on January 1^st as the warmth and fun of the Thanksgiving, Advent and Christmas season gets tucked away for another year.  There have been years when I couldn’t seem to slam the door on the old year fast enough although those have been rare.  There have even been a few years where the excitement of new possibilities has seemed as explosive as the New Year’s fireworks that we watch in my sister’s part of the world.  Those are very rare too.

Most years I find myself wobbling into the new year on what feels like very young and discovering feet. Now don’t read this as any kind of a negative.  In actuality I find it hopeful, tentative, a little scary and calling for me to choose upon whom I will depend.  Will I depend on myself or my circumstances that may seem certain and clear or foggy and perhaps a little ominous? That’s kind of the choice I’ve tended to give myself over the years.  This last year has been teaching me not to get too far ahead of myself in making that choice.   In my rush to make that determination I often miss the necessity of the mystery of waiting on God.

As I’ve share with many over these last months, the words that seemed to hover over the journey that God has given me have been lean, trust, wait.  As I’ve shared, this is not my customary tendency and in all honesty I’m not sure it’s always been the message I think I’ve let myself even receive in church. How does lean, trust, wait stand alongside stepping out in faith?  Doesn’t that require confidence and determination?  Doesn’t it require boldness? 

There’s a scene in the movie “A League of Their Own” where one of the players is on base and is trying to receive instructions from the team’s manager played by Tom Hanks and she’s also receiving instructions from the team’s captain and catcher played by Geena Davis.  The instructions seem to be in conflict if not completely in contradiction to each other.  The player ultimately has to make choice of whom she will listen to and in the middle of it all she looks comically awkward and completely uncertain.  Oh how I feel like that sometimes!

One of the interesting things I’ve been learning this year is that sometimes looking comically awkward and completely uncertain requires a decided amount of confidence and determination and boldness.  I have been learning that choosing to take practical steps in the midst of a time of unknown and waiting is a balance that calls me to a radical trust and determined willingness to hold the reins of my life loosely in favor of a loving, mysterious God who is not required to tell me all of the details to come down the road. I may think I want the Lord to tell because as my mom used to say, “If I knew what was going to happen then I’d know what to do.”

 One of the things I’ve learned this year is that God isn’t really interested in me sensing a clear and precise call from him but what God is interested in is my willingness to seek, listen, trust and step even if things don’t seem to make as much sense as I might like.  The interesting thing I’ve discovered this year is that the more I do this and the more I’m willing to adjust my plans as I go, the more I’ve found peace.  One of the primary things that God has put before me to consider is what do I really believe about God’s good intent towards me.  Do I really believe this?  Do I really trust this?  Am I really willing to live this? As I have considered these things and grown in my choosing the truth and reality of God’s good intent towards me, I have found it remarkably possible to lean, trust and wait even in the midst of things that aren’t quite moving forward the way that I expected and even when I look comically awkward in the middle of it all. I make life decisions and take steps based on what I understand, as best I am able at the moment but I’ve learned more about holding these decisions loosely with the confidence and certainty of God’s good intent towards me even when that takes those plans seems to leave them kind of hanging.

As I reflect on what has and hasn’t happened that I had expected this past year I find that many of the things that I’d been looking toward…the beginning of Potter’s Wheel, completing my training as a Spiritual Director, and finding a job as a hospice chaplain have all happened.  Almost none of it has happened in quite the way, order or timing that I had thought I expected at the beginning of 2012.  God has been so gracious in helping me in learning more and more about holding the reins loosely and falling deeper into the great truth of God’s love and good intent towards me.  So, as I begin this new year I’m still as wobbly as I often am but the young, discovering steps into this new year finds me much more peaceful and confident in my wobbling.

I am so grateful that you have been willing to join me in this journey.  Your prayers have meant more to me than I’ll ever be able to tell you.  Your encouragement has served so often to be the cup of cold water that I’ve needed in some of the moments that have felt most difficult. So, I’m looking forward to journeying with you as we move into this new year and as God continues to mold us as we’re…

Living on the Potter’s Wheel!

God’s Peace,

Mary